The 3 B’s

I get up before the boys every morning so that I can spend a few minutes by myself to read my Bible. I don’t enjoy getting up in the morning. I am not a morning person. I am not a night person. I am a sleeping person. But, I get up at 6:00 (-ish, okay, maybe more like 6:30) and have a glorious half hour, sometimes more, to sit and drink coffee and read my Bible. Our church has a reading schedule that I follow. During the week I keep up really well, but we are out of town so many weekends, that I often miss my weekend readings. I used to try and catch up any time I got behind, but I found that it made it so hard to get back on track, and then it got discouraging, so I just decided to always pick up where I left off. So that’s my philosophy here. I get so behind, our life isn’t that busy, but things are happening. Kids are growing. Babies are being born. Life is changing. I can’t go back and catch up, it’s too overwhelming, I just get discouraged, so I’ll just deal with what’s happing now. And here’s what’s happing today. The 3 B’s.

1. B is for Black Undies

This is totally awkward. We were gone all weekend in Washington with my family. I had a ton on laundry to catch up on. And perfect timing, our washing machine has decided to stop spinning. Which means sopping wet clothes at the end of the cycle, and 3 times through the dryer to get stuff dry. Love it. I was in a mad rush folding a load of laundry tonight before we headed to church. The load was 99% the boys’ clothes, which means I fold it in one of their rooms, rather than my usual folding spot of on our bed. The other 1% of the load consisted of what I wore yesterday, including my underwear. My black lace underwear, which SOMEHOW disappeared whilst (ha) folding the laundry. Seriously, one moment they were there, the next, my undies were no where to be found. Lost in my 4 year old son’s room. I’m sure they will turn up at the most opportune moment. Super.

2. B is for Beavers

A while ago, I went through a period of time where I was trying to figure out how to teach my kids about God. How do you talk about it to toddlers? What do you say? What do you do? It was really important to me, but I also felt pretty lost about how to actually go about it. So, I do what I do to fix all problems. I buy some books. In this case, I bought some different kids Bibles and devotionals. One of our devotionals is about animals, where each day you read a story about some type of animal that displays a trait that we should also follow. For example, the ox-pecker and the rhino. They have a symbiotic relationship; they help each other. AKA, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Okay. So, today, we were hurrying out the door to church and Thad was putting his shoes on, and he tells me; “I’m like the beavers in our book, mom, I keep trying and I don’t give up”. IT’S WORKING, PEOPLE!

3. B is for Babies

Or lack thereof. I love my family. I have 6 nieces and nephews and I love every one of them. But after spending the weekend with 2 nine week olds, and one almost one year old, I came to the realization: I’m not doing it again. When you have kids, people always ask you “will you have more”. And that’s a really difficult question to answer.  Obviously, if I was surprised with another child, I would love it with every ounce of my being, like I love my two boys. But to intentionally choose to conceive, carry, birth and raise another child, that’s a whole nother taco, my friend. It’s a big deal. And I suck at being the mother to an infant. Truly, I suck. It’s awful. I hate it. Some people are natural mothers, I have to really work at it, it’s not easy for me. I fail on a regular basis. I loose my temper, I loose my patience, I rarely am the mom I try to be. I seriously had a mental break down / almost panic attack when my 2 month old nephew was having a typical evening fussy time at my parent’s house and wouldn’t calm down. It brought me back to the continuous screaming of Thaddeus that we went through the first 6 months of his life. That was such a hard time for me, and such a sad time, at a time that really should have been happy. So, I think that’s it. I think I’m done. All of my baby paraphernalia that is up in the attic, it’s ready to go for the next friend who is expecting (if you happen to be a beautiful red-head, I’m talking to you. You know who you are). In the meantime, I will cuddle with these little cuties, and all of the future little cuties in my large family, and count my lucky stars that I am done.