It's Time!

Prior to the incubation of young Thad, I used to go to the gym after work most days. Even with that, I still didn't feel like I was really in the shape that I wanted to be, largely due, I think, to my eating habits. I like food. It tastes good. Unfortunately, it also makes you fat.

While I was pregnant, I tried to stick with healthy eating habits and I walked every single day over my lunch hour. At first, I walked 3 miles every day. The bigger I got, the harder it got, and that distance gradually declined. But, I still did all that I could every day. A lot of days I walked in the rain with an umbrella and a rain jacket. I actually liked it, it made me feel like I was doing what I needed to do to stay healthy while pregnant. I gained about 35 pounds by the time T was born, which is within what is recommended.

After he was born, I dropped the weight pretty fast without putting out any effort, Within about 2 or 3 months I was within 5 lbs of my pre-baby weight. We are now at just over the 5 month mark. Pound-wise I am actually right at my starting weight, but the quality of the 'material' has gone downhill. I don't look the same in clothes as I used to, and I definitely don't look how I want to look.

Until this point, I really haven't done anything to improve. I think it's time. The first thing I am doing is changing my eating habits. I feel like I can easily decrease my daily calories by at least 500 cal/day simply by eating smaller portions and snacking less. I am also going to get back into a daily exercise habit. Whether it is walking with T in the stroller, or doing a workout video On-Demand, something is better than nothing. My goal is to drop 12 pounds by Christmas. If I can do that, it would get me to a weight that I have not been for YEARS, and finally fulfill the picture I have in my head of how I want to be. I feel like this is my time to make a change! Go me!

I'm Trying...

Here's the thing about having your first child. You have no clue what you are doing. Here's the thing about babies. They can't talk. Those two facts are not a good combination. It would be one thing if I had a happy, easy baby who loved so sleep. Alas, I do not. He is an emotional roller coaster, which makes me question every. single. thing. I. do.

Here's the other part of the problem. I have a couple of friends who are like superstar moms. Moms with multiple children really close together who post things on facebook like "I'm making applesauce tomorrow" and "harvesting my tomatoes". What? My tomatoes are all yellow and I can't get my kid to eat rice cereal. Not to mention the fact that they are on number 3 or 4 and probably finished with the who preggo fiasco, and I just finished baking number 1! That makes me feel good about myself.

One thing I have to say though, is God Bless my mom. She has been so helpful and such an encouragement. There is so much pressure to be a Master Breastfeeder, and I have tried really hard, but it just has NEVER been easy. We are at the point now where I think it will be better for everyone involved to start heading down the formula route, and I feel extreme guilt for that. But my mom has been so encouraging that I am doing the right thing, and that the goal is for a happy, healthy baby, and sometimes formula is the best way to achieve that. Plus, she was only able to breastfeed me for about 3 months, and look how smart I am. :)

Life As I Know It

I miss some things about my old life. I am not inherently an unselfish person. Unfortunately, having a baby requires you to throw your own desires in the toilet in order to care for the tiny helpless person you created. And I am happy to do it, I really am. But at the same time, it is a little sad to know that some things will never be the same again. 

I miss hanging out with Justin, going places just the two of us. Last year we spent a bunch of weekends working in the yard, doing projects together. I miss that. Now I am limited to doing things just during naptimes, and Justin often has to run errands by himself. 

On that note, I miss going places by myself. Going into a store with just my purse, rather than a baby, a diaper bag, a stroller, a front pack...etc. Heaven forbid I am caught somewhere without a burp cloth.  And on my way places, I miss listening to music at a higher than infant-ear-drum noise level. I'm okay with inflicting damage on my own eardrums, but I just don't feel right about doing that to my child. 

It's a different life. It's different than how I lived before, and different than I expected it to be. But in it's own way, I love it. I miss him when he is napping. He can be the sweetest thing on the planet. I can't wait for him to keep developing, and learning to do more and more. But, I will also miss the days of doing what I want, when I wanted to.

10 Necessities of Life

We have grown out of a lot of these things at this point, but in their prime, we couldn't live without them. 

1. Aden & Anias swaddling blankets: I poo-pooed these when my sister suggested them. Thirty bucks for 2 baby blankets? No thanks. Silly Nikki. I now have 6 of these. These are the ONLY blankets we use to this day. Big and soft and thin and breathable, they work perfectly for swaddling writhing screaming babies. Now that I don't have to tie him up in a straight-jacket, they also work great for a light summer blanket, protecting from the sun, and wrapping up for nap time.
2. A million burp cloths: I have a serious spitter on my hands, and even though you can't expect to make it through a day without being puked on, its nice to have lots on hand to wipe up the big puddles.
3. Pacifiers: Some babies have a hard time soothing themselves, and need to be sucking to calm down, Thad is one of them. A pacifier was a necessity for plugging the screaming. Now his fingers are his best friends, which is wonderful, cause pacifiers also suck (haha) because they disappear when you need them and have a magnetic attraction to the floor.
4. Stereo for baby room: A normal baby would probably enjoy sweet lullabies to fall asleep peacefully to. My child needed blaring static. Either way, you need a source. Now we are at quiet static, and someday we will be at sweet lullabies.
5. Boppy Pillow: Even a small baby gets heavy while nursing. Plus, there are other things to worry about, like proper latching, and not crying in pain.
6. Footie PJ's: I preferred these for Thad over the much-recommended elastic-bottom gowns. I think partly because he was big and sqirmy, the gown style always bunched up. 
7. Bouncer chair: Or some type of chair to hold the baby during shower time, or when a break was needed. Some babies love swings. Thad tolerated his cousin's borrowed swing, but was not in love with it. The bouncer chair holds his attention for a good 30 minutes on a good day. Plus, it has 6 awesome tunes that play over. And over. And over. And over. (And over)
8. Coffee: I don't think that one needs an explanation.
9. 3+ Nursing bras: I only have 3 this first time around, and will definitely invest in more next time. In those first couple of weeks there is some serious leakage going on, and it is miserable enough waking up repeatedly in the night, that you want to be able to change into a clean dry bra rather than going back to sleep in the soaked-through one you have on.
10. Spare sheets and changing pad covers: You never know when a disaster is going to happen, whether it involves puke, poop, or pee (the 3 P's) at 2:00 in the morning. No one wants to do laundry in the middle of the night, and it makes life easier to have more on hand.

I can't say that for baby number two any of these things are going to matter. But, I can say that next time around I am going to be much more prepared. I had done hours of reading "parenting" tips online, thought I was ready and knew what to expect. I WAS NOT READY. Nothing could have prepared me for the fury of Thad. The crying. The lack of sleep. The feeling of not knowing what to do. The pain while nursing. BUT, I want to do it again. I know that it couldn't be worse, and even if it is just as bad, I would know so much better how to handle it. I'm sure the next one will come with his own challenges, but knowing how challenging it can be is half the battle. Bring it on Thatcher, I'm ready for you bud!

Thatsa Big Boy!

I give myself a high-five for growing such a big boy!

Remembering Grandma Crossland

Justin's Grandma passed away recently, and while cleaning out her things, we came across this hand-appliqued scrap, all by its lonesome:

I thought it was cute, and could be made even cuter with a little TLC...for MY little TLC. Thad was only around for a few months before Stella passed, and won't have any memories of her, so I thought it would be a nice way to keep her represented in his life. So, I used it to make this:

And put it here:

Nighttime Nightmares: And the books that have helped.

We continue to have problems getting Thad to sleep at night. I tried formula for the nighttime feeding. I've tried baby Advil per the doctor's instructions (thinking the problem was teething). No go. We continue to wake up about 4 times per night, I feed him, he falls back to sleep, only to break my heart an hour later when he wakes up and I look at the clock and see how little time has passed. His sleeping habits have changed dramatically over his short life, and with each change, we have to adapt and learn new things. Otherwise this is how he looks when he is "napping".

In the very beginning, sleep simply just didn't happen. He didn't nap. He didn't sleep at night. He was constantly awake and crabby. I was crushed about how hard it was. We struggled for a couple weeks, and several people recommended this book: 

It taught me how to help him fall asleep. We swaddled and shushed and bounced and and used a pacifier. And things got better. He started taking naps. He started sleeping in bigger chunks at night.

But he was no where near sleeping through the night. I read a couple more books. 

This one:

And this one:

Becoming Babywise was nothing but discouraging. It made assumptions about his sleeping skills that we were so far from, that it really didn't even apply. No Cry Sleep Solution was much closer to where we were, and offered some really good suggestions. One of the biggest tips that I pass on to all my friends who are expecting is setting up the right environment for sleeping. Until I read this book, I was making his room dark for any sleeping time...naps and bed time. This book talked about babies lack of that innate sense of daytime vs nighttime: they just haven't had a change to learn that yet. You help that develop by napping with bright light (blinds open) and bedtime in the dark (blinds closed). Sounds simple, and man did it make a difference. When I started doing that, he really started sleeping in bigger chunks at nighttime.

Then we kind of stalled and things have progressively gotten worse again. He no longer only wakes up once or twice a night like he did for a month or so. Rarely does he wake up fewer than 3 times. He wakes up and fusses, and I go pick him up and feed him, he falls back to sleep, and I head back to bed for another hour or so of sleep before we repeat. Let me say, it's getting OLD. Mamma can't function like this. Justin has done some internet research, and it sounds like we need to take the next step that I have been dreading, and instead of getting up to soothe him by nursing him back to sleep, we need to get into the habit of trying to let him get him self to sleep. Which means let him cry. Which means longer awake times during the night. Which probably means some tears from me. BUT long term goal is better sleeping habits for him, which will be better for us all.